justgreen's Xanga

* emo like this

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 08:44:09 GMT

Stones taught me to fly
Love, it taught me to lie
Life, it taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

seriously, too much of damien rice made me drowned into the emo-ness. i wish i could pause the time now, so i have sufficient time to do nothing but being emo.

have you heard of the kubler-ross model? the 5 stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. i realized i experienced the first 4 stages except the last one. each time when i reached the depression stage, instead of moving to the last stage, i headed back to denial.

when you know that you just don't know.

* nothing in particular

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 13:11:34 GMT

just updating for the sake of updating. since my 'gay' good friend asked me to update, so i'm here to write this piece of crap.

so, this is going to be emo. because i'm currently clueless about my future, all i could think of is holidays. i wish someone could lead me to the correct path.

sigh, why can't i just be happy? why is it so hard to make things right?

i hate this feeling of waiting for exams to start, when i'm so tired of studying already. it's like, urgh.. whatever just hope that the exams come asap.

i'm depressed. i just received a depression checklist from beyondblue, honestly i could tick almost all the symptomos listed. well, some people do think that i'm depressed. actually, at some point i do think i'm, it's like i can't help but being depressed.

haha. sigh. sniff.

till then.

* mer

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 05:42:03 GMT

yes, meredith grey.

:)

* in the name of... nothing

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 12:26:49 GMT

Dear Lord, the world is in a complete mess and more terrifying news happening each day. You said that your grace was sufficient for me and everyone else. I pray that You will take away chaos and violence from the world. Please grant us peace, freedom and good health for all. In the name of Jesus. Amen.

seriously, are You kidding me?

Jesus is the Almighty God. And we got all sorts of disasters like the tsunami. Oh, because God gave us the greatest gift - the gift of free will. Then, some people used it incorrectly by polluting the world and, sorry to those victims (like the innocent children) who were not involved in ruining the world had to suffer the consequences. Plus, God brought a nation together after the disaster. At the expense of uncountable lives. It is really worth it. Because after all, God sent the victims to heaven.

Jesus is the Savior. And we got this ridiculous Fritzl case. And it is not enough that now we have the Australian version. But who cares how much these rapists have sinned, as long as they confess and repent their sins, oh and most importantly - have faith in Jesus Christ, and ta-daa! They got their tickets to heaven.

seriously, if at this point of time you still fail to notice the irony, all i could say is... may your God be with you.

I always tried to be neutral, because I do believe most religions lead us to the correct path. But I had enough of all these, and it is really getting on my nerves. All we can do is believe, pray, worship and always remember to give credits to your God whenever something good is happening. Because your God gives it to us. And we cannot question and blame your God whenever something bad happened. Because this has nothing to do with your God and it's all our fault. Come on, it feels like a dictator. And stop telling me your God created us human beings and love each of us, it makes me feel like a toy that your God could see how we suffer on earth, and like a slave that we need to worship your God.

So please, when you tried to give me tons of evidence to prove your God's existence, it would be more acceptable when you agree that your God is not that almighty after all. (Note: I'm writing all these on behalf of no religion.)

I totally admit that I have many sins, but I am definitely a better person than many other people on earth. But who cares, all sins are equal in your God's eyes. It is the same between a simple lie and actually killing someone. Except one. Having no faith in Jesus Christ is the ultimate sin and it condemns to eternal punishment.

So yea, I am so doomed. I am so going to hell. Now I see how great the love of your God is.

May the rest of the people who have the same so-called sin like me have joy in hell. In the name of... nothing. FML.

* songs from my top rated playlist

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 11:53:32 GMT

Is that alright with you?
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright with you?
If you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it
Is that alright with you?
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright with you?
With you.

one of my favourites, it's creepy, it's depressing, just one of those songs i would listen to during the emo period. especially lisa hannigan's voice has the haunting effect, pretty much like bjork.

我想你是愛我的　我猜你也捨不得
但是怎麼說　總覺得　我們之間有了太多空白格　也許你不是我的
愛你卻又該割捨　分開或許是選擇　但它也可能是我們的緣份

the most played song on my ipod, mostly because it linked to my own story too. basically tanya's the singer i have the most songs (even stefanie sun can't beat it). sadly tanya's way too under-noticed and she definitely deserves more fame. 'goodbye & hello' is the only album that i could listen from the first track till the last, and i surely will get the album if i have a proper hifi in my room (shame that my dad actually sells audio system).

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true...I was made for you

one of the songs i love to loop when i walk alone. the song's only 3 minutes, while the distance from my house to campus mostly takes about 8 minutes, so well, i could only listen twice per journey. but well, brandi carlile's something different from the bjork type, she's a bit of alternative, a bit of rock and a bit of something else.

The storm is coming, but I don't mind.
People are dying, I close my blinds.
All that I know is I'm breathing now.
I want to change the world, instead I sleep.
I want to believe in more than you and me.
But all that I know is I'm breathing.
All I can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

believe it or not, that's all the lyrics for this song. simple but so damn true. most of the times i tried to seek ways to change the fact that i screwed up things, but deep down inside i know it's impossible, all i can do is just keep breathing. after all, it's either we choose to stay alive or we choose death.

Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

seriously you think i would miss out amy lee? well i'm not gonna choose my immortal since i kinda made it overrated here (but still it's my theme song). oh, i just love the pair of black angel wings amy lee strapped to her back in the broken mv. seriously, amy lee's hot.

Together all the while
You can never say never
When we don't know why
Time and time again
Younger now then we were before
Don't let me go, (x5)

and this is my latest favourite, the fray just never failed to impress me from how to save a life to this current one. aww i love issac slade now, i can't stop listening to never say never at the moment. and yes, it's my current ringtone, finally boston can come to rest.

so, everyone thinks i love all these emo songs, but wait, it is unbelievably that i love 'i gotta feeling' so much until i gotta feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night. LOL! and yea, fergie's hubby is super good looking.

can't believe i spent almost an hour for this post. oh and i miss sam. no 'saaaaammmm' for three weeks. sniff.

till then.

* didn't i almost have it all?

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 11:35:02 GMT

a few updates of my life:

1. semester 2 started, well actually it's already week 4 now and assignments are due really soon.

2. went to adelaide secretly for tyy's birthday but found someone who can replace her as my all time fav. awww wish NSS is my housemate instead.

3. having some kind of financial trouble but can't let my parents know about it, wish i could win the lottery or something.

4. really really uncertain about the future as i'm graduating soon. i feel like a lame ass loser.

5. met new friends, tried new activities, and being emo at times.

6. been really stressed out over things.

FYI, i go to lifegroup every week. suddenly it seems like a routine. often times newcomers realized that i'm not christian would ask why am i there every week. and some people even think that i'm soon-to-be-christian. seriously, i always make some christian jokes (obviously not in front of the christians). the main reason i attend is because of sam. she's someone i always wanted to maintain our friendship, at least that's what i'm trying to do. but if you think i'm soon-to-be-christian, then i can affirmably say no, not even a tiny bit, at least until this moment.

i believe in karma, even though it somehow doesn't seem to be working on my nasty so-called relatives. i wanted to be a buddhist, but in my opinion it's really hard to become a genuine one, and i don't think what my dad did is what a true buddhist would do. while i will not call myself a buddhist, i do hope one day i could reach this stage to achieve peace of mind.

as for now, unfortunately, i'm stuck in limbo.

so, Jesus or Buddha?

or nothing?

(well, not like you have a definite answer either)

* i hate myself

Mon, 27 Jul 2009 03:39:52 GMT

urgh, the fact that i was trying to save papers by printing on both sides (i have to do manually since the printer can't), i ended up wasting more papers because i got all messed up with the odd and even pages. damn it!
I HATE MYSELF!!!

so, iTunes cool me down while i'm cutting the slides out to paste them on used papers. haha i know it's ugly, pathetic and ridiculous but at least, it makes me feel better for not wasting papers to reprint them.
I HATE MYSELF!!!

classes started a week ago, and i was trying hard to remind myself that holidays over, yet i can't help with the movie marathon. and damn, i have this submission on friday which i wish i know what i'm doing.
I HATE MYSELF!!!

oh, bad news. i have put on 2kg! thanks to tim tam, cadbury, lindt, maltesers, mars, snickers, m&m and their friends. and not to forget, their bosses - coles and woolies! with their evil plans - sales!
I HATE MYSELF!!!

seriously, i hate myself.

but i don't want to die.

haha.

till then.

* yuk chai

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 04:46:08 GMT

i'm being so nostalgic now after checking out some of my ex classmates back in yuk chai on facebook, many thanks to jingying for the effort. wish i could attend the gathering too, must be really interesting to see how each of us changed. plus, i managed to look at some photos of the current yuk chai, and yes, it's so much better now makes me so envy.

i still remember yuk chai is not as popular as some other schools when i was standard 1, but mom just chose this school since it was the nearest to our house and my brothers attended too. and now, it's famous and the school is frigging rich.

people who attended chinese schools are trained to multitask, and always competing with each other. haha, i still remember we used to compete in many things, like who finish the homework first etc. we all have our own gangs and we just simply love to talk in class (or is it just me?). oh another silly thing we used to do is setting our watches to have the exact same time with the school bell, so we can always countdown when it rings. and yes, we already packed our bags and prepared to run as the bell rings. LOL we just love to compete for every single thing.

undoubtedly yuk chai brought me loads of joyful memories, but well, all good things come to an end.

but of course there are still many bad things that happened, like this one which i guess i repeated a million times, about the teacher who has the same surname as me. i know many people like her, but i don't, because she seriously sucks. i got a stroke from her because she thought that i did not do my work which i obviously did. it was science class and our homework was to prepare 2 slices of breads, one dry and another moist. we were supposed to put them separately in plastic bags, tighten and leave them for a week. i was actually quite looking forward to it and i did it immediately once i reached home on that day. and a week later, everyone brought their own breads to show her, unfortunately, mine were still white (i think because it's not tight enough) while i could still remember someone next to me, her breads were so moldy that created a huge contrast between mine and hers. so, she assumed that i did not do my work on time, and accused me that i just did it a day before. and, THAT B*TCH FREAKING CANED ME FOR THAT. sorry for being vulgar but can you imagine how much anger i had until today, i mean, hello, she did not even give me a chance to defend myself. urgh, i regretted of not telling my mom about this so she could complain and i might able to cane this ignorant teacher back for that (haha in my dreams obviously).

this is a photo i stole it from someone's site. this is where we were gathered every monday morning and forced to sing the 3 anthems, haha but the smart me lip-synced all the time so i will not get caught by those teachers.

ahh, after all, i miss yuk chai.

wish i could turn back time.

till then, off to ice-skating!

* anything

Fri, 03 Jul 2009 14:31:58 GMT

i need more money.
i need more money.
i need more money.

watched transformers, and megan fox is undeniably hot. really hot.

went to chadstone twice, and i was so upset i can't buy that pair of jeans in armani exchange. for that moment i actually hope i was size 10 or more. okay seriously, just for that moment only.

been playing ds while i was home or on the train, many thanks to mr T. i nearly thought it's mine. haha.

and now, i'm kinda anxious because we're going to have our girls' day out later. all the girls are so looking forward, except me because yea, that's me, the paranoid me. and we even need to hide it from the boys.

is woolies having sales for tim tam now? i'm eating my last pack now which might not last even a day.

plus, my all time fav kolala and the new stranger emu are coming to melb soon. which is cool just that i'm really broke. hoping they will treat me since we are good friends. haha.

whooo that's the brief update now. i know it sucks, and i can't wait for the hot pot tonight!

till then.

* awesomeness

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 15:36:23 GMT

thanks to sanwengyan, i'm once again being dissatisfied.

OMG can you see how awesome is this? By just $1175 per week I could enjoy this spectacular view of Melbourne. "Just", haha I sound like my father's Li Ka-Shing.

Urgh. I hate you Ms. Emu.

Especially with the 'wai' documents!!!

Eeeeeks!

I want to stay there. I want to stay there. I want to stay there.

Hahahahaha.

Blame the after-exam craziness.

Till then.